Goodbyes

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in a while. Mark’s uncle passed away last Tuesday and it just didn’t feel right.

Uncle Bobby, we call him Apè, was such a jolly man. At family parties, he always greets you with a smile, a hug and a “Lai Cha!” which means let’s eat! His love for his wife, kids and grand kids was beyond compare. One of the eulogies was given by his cousin, Julie Yap Daza and she said it best,
“We never lose those we give to God.” We will miss you Apè. Thank you for accepting me as part of the family since day 1. Enjoy your unlimited coffee in McDonalds - Heaven branch with Tuaco. 

Apè with us in our wedding

Father Orbos said, death is the only thing constant in life. It’s the sad truth. And in the novenas, we say a little prayer:

“LORD, help us to see death for what it really is,
The end of poverty and the beginning of riches;
The end of frustration and the beginning of fulfilment;
The end of fear and the beginning of tranquility;
The end of pain and the beginning of joy;
The end of weakness and the beginning of strength.

Let not grief overwhelm us, or a sense of loss embitter us.
But out of our sadness let there arise a new joy for so much given to us.
Cast out our fears and let not our hearts be troubled.
Let Your spirit of peace come alive within our experience and hurt,
our sorrow and isolation, our sadness today and loneliness tomorrow.”

I was really supposed to write about losing my Abuelito and Maita (grandparents, Mom’s side) & Lolo (grandfather, Dad’s side) later this week, as my abuelito’s 2nd death anniversary is on Friday. So I decided to bump it up.

My Lolo, Gregorio, passed away when I was about 2 years old. I don’t really remember much, but I must say, I still have REALLY vivid dreams about him. I still remember so many details about him, like the way I used to sit on his lap, facing the mirror in his bathroom cabinet while he bounced me up and down his knee, playing “horsey” and called me his Kittina. I remember how my cousins, Karen, Steph, Chris and I would ride in the brown station wagon he had. I remember his smell. I remember little details and I’m glad I do. But most of all, I remember how much he loved me. I still feel it. Every night since he passed, I end my prayers with “Lolo, I’m your little Kittina, watch over me tonight.”

My Lolo and I (with my yaya) during my 1st birthday party

My mom, my lolo and I

My cousins Chris, Steph, Karen and I in Lolo's and Lola's house in Bel Air

My Maita passed away on March 26, 2009. I was a wreck. She found out she had cancer while I was in the US for my graduation present from my parents. That was about January 2007. I remember I was in LA with the Allados' and the Mendozas'. They brought me out to take my mind of it, but, I wanted to rush home and be by her side. Mom said that they didn’t want her to know how bad it was sand that If I had come home, she would think that it was really bad. So I stayed.

My Maita when she was younger and on her 75th birthday

When I got home, I tried to stay with her as often as I could. Talking about everything and anything under the sun, and if you know my Maita, you know she can talk. haha! We strengthened our bond and I was thankful for that. She was the first one that accepted Mark as my boyfriend with arms wide open. She said he was a good man, especially since he came from San Beda, just like my Abuelito. 

My mom, Maita and I

Apparently, during my Tita Marvi’s wedding, she talked to Mark and told him, she hoped he and I would get married before she died. She got seriously ill around the first week of March and when she was conscious, she asked for Mark and I said that he was arriving soon from Masbate. Mark proposed the eve of his birthday, March 15, 2009. The day of his birthday, we visited her in the ICU and told her he proposed. She put up the thumbs up sign after I showed her the ring. The next day or after a few days, she went into a coma. She passed away March 26, 2009. A little after 6 pm, after we said the Angelus. I miss her everyday and I haven’t stopped crying since. I wish she was there to watch me walk down the aisle, like Abu was able to.... But, I know she’s around me, watching over me. Sometimes I smell her favourite flowers embracing me, sometimes a butterfly by my window when I’m sick and most of the time I dream of her. I love and miss you Ta. Continue watching over us.  

Maita, Abu and I before we four out she had cancer.
Yes, she looked like everyday until she lost her hair during chemo.

My Abuelito watching me walk down the aisle

My Maita's rosary that I held on to, while walking down the aisle
I wanted to have a part of her with me on this day

Her rosary, wrapped around my red bouquet, she loved the colour red too.

Now my Maita and Abuelito had a love soooo strong, you couldn’t even imagine. That was our (my cousins and I) idea of true love. The perfect relationship. So you can imagine how hurt he was since she passed away. Mom and Tita Vicky (her sister) used to alternate having dinner with him, so he wouldn’t be alone. They also watched what he was eating like hawks. Abuelito used to tease them by saying they were gestapos. He had diabetes and his love for sweets and him being a doctor were not working. When the sisters couldn’t have dinner with him, he loved the fact that his grandkids would be the ones who would eat with him. He would have a break from the guards. haha. 

My Abuelito and Maita when he was courting her

Kissing in Rome. How he loved her

Always holding each others hands

On his first Christmas without Maita, my cousin and Ia brought him to visit our Uncle Robert and my cousins in Seattle. That was an emotional trip. I’m glad I have that memory with him. 

My cousins and I with Abuelito, in Seattle

Our Christmas in Seattle

At a dinner in Seattle. He wanted to be cool :) 

Watching CSI on Ia's iPhone in Batangas

The night he was admitted to the hospital, my parents were in London for the Olympics (my dad covered the games). Mark and I had just finished watching a concert and had just entered a bar to grab a drink with friends. Then my mom called and said I better go to the hospital because my Abu was not doing well. I rushed there with Mark, holding my hand, reassuring me. As soon as I got to him, I asked him “How are you Abu?” and his response, as always, joking, “I’m ok, lying down. You?” I sad I was ok and that he was the one lying there in the hospital, he didn’t have to ask me how he was. He had to be wheeled in for some tests, and before he was brought in, he held my hand and said “Are you pregnant na? Why are you not pregnant yet?” I said, when you get better, you’ll help me. Before he entered the doors, he said “Don’t worry, you’ll get pregnant soon!”

Little notes we put up from everyone that he could see infront of his hospital bed in the ICU

I miss just being safe around him

Meanwhile, it was my Tita Vicky, Ia, Mark and I in the hospital. After the tests, he was put in the ICU and I watched over him that night and one other night. One night, he started talking to someone in Spanish. I asked him who it was. He said it was my Maita. I told him to tell her not to get him yet. He had to wait for Mom, Tito Pepito and Tito Robert. Mom arrived and went straight to the airport. Pop followed the next day and he arrived right on time. We were all called in because it did not look good. On August 15, 2012 my Abuelito passed away.  It still hurts everyday. I really wish I could have done something more to show him how much I love him.

My cousins Ia, Yza and I with Maita and Abuelito in Baguio I think

Ia, Yza and I with Abu

Mark and I with Abu on our wedding day

I have a really close family and it really hurts that my Lolo, Abu and Maita are no longer here, physically. But I know they are watching over us. We know how much they loved us and they know how much we love them. All the wonderful and fun memories will forever be etched in my heart. From Greenhills, Club Filipino, birthdays, competitions they watched, Sunday lunches in Spencer, Summers in Bel Air, heartaches, sicknesses and all the other memories in between, will never be forgotten. I miss and love my grandparents so much. I know they are looking down at me, smiling, helping me pray to Papa Dios to give them a great grand child soon. 

Til I see you in heaven again soon, Lolo, Ta and To. I love you so much!

I know that this was a really long and emotional post. Sorry about that. Hope you enjoyed the read though.

Besos,


Tina